Milkbones

Milkbones are a favorite treat for Kira, our dog. But I play a game with her before she can just get the bone. From the moment I get it she is transfixed on the prize since it starts when I dig for several seconds to find the perfect bone. She sits eyes glued to the box. Then we proceed to play our version of 1on1. If I can sneak the bone past her paws across the tile I win. She is a pretty good goalie. This simply never gets old.

Tired

At age 51 I am feeling extremely tired just after 7:00 PM. The Dr. said I was deficient in vitamin D. So I take it twice a day as prescibed. But I think it is also a sign of depression. I didn't work today because of this and a massive headache to go along with pain this morning.

Is this the way I want to start a new year? I don't think so.

Dark Thought

I have the feeling today that I am imprisoned within my mind. Tears came from my eyes as I stared into the screen thinking nothing as I was nothing to anyone, at that moment. Life is but a series of thoughts and random feelings entwined with others as we move about life. I know now I am in a chasm, slick sided and dark in its depths. I have the number and a friend is urging me to call. I can't bring myself to do it yet. I have not suffered enough for the pain to create action. I am frozen in my own mind.

Souls

The soul can live within many contexts. The heart lives in just one. Break the heart and it dies. Break your soul and you die many times over and over and over.

Love Of My Life

I was eighteen

she was nineteen

we dated.

Passionate

short

full of memories.

She dumped me

perhaps it was the shorts

full of holes they were.

I was crushed

for a while

but I moved on.

I did not forget

Nor did she.

Our poisoned love would languish

a year and plus more passed by

she called.

Trouble hanging around

she trusted me

I went to her

she felt safe.

Trouble arrived

showing

on schedule and on time.

I told him to not return or else

I held her close in my arms

that night and several more

she enjoyed my strength

her sense of safety.

We were together again

her place became mine

and soon another became ours.

Time passed and the love grew

the love wained

as love will do

we parted once more.

Returning

once again to Love

repeating the parting

only this time

seemingly final.

Miles of Earth

many states

stood between our Love.

The phone beckoned our hearts

we talked

again and again.

Will you marry me?

I asked on the phone

Yes she replied.

We wed

February 1985

the ninth

before a Judge in

Gaffeny, South Carolina

he was paid

twenty-five dollars.

Wine was shared on the return ride

a small celebration ensued

we loved again

we loved again.

We were young

we became parents

John was first to share the love.

Responsible

nurturing

yes

but not to our love.

Separation

hearts broken

distance once again

between the love.

Love endures so they say

a year passed

another gone by.

We grew

we endured

together again

loving once more.

Love to share

Love to bare

wondrous beautiful love

became known as Nick.

Young and naive

proud we were

unable to nurture

our own Love

once again.

Yes once again

heartache

pain

hurtful words

meaningless days

wasted time.

Once again Love endured

Love rekindled

as a flicker then a flame.

Candles to life

lighting the way

to enlightenment

to joy

to sorrow

the flame waned.

More happiness

more pain.

Visiting Always Means Departures

This past month has been very nice to have my Mom so close. As with each visit she is the target for an ever growing number of family members. This makes each moment more special since they have to be shared so often. She was in very good spirits for the entire trip despite catching a cold in the beginning.

But each time I see her I wonder as she leaves if it will be the last time. She is 79 and not in perfect health but not terrible with the parts of her that usually mean peril. I am glad for the moments we do get and still look forward to more.

This is what I mean when I say 'visiting means departures. A visit is by definition a short stay. Saying good-bye is never easy. I love you Mom.