One Day

I know it is a cliquet but I say it often. One day I'll get around to doing that or going there. Just one day...but I'm now statisically past half my lifetime and there are still many items on the growing one day list. One day I'll look at the list a bit closer. One day I really will.

Letter To My Father

Dear Dad,

I have not always found it easy to talk with you. We talk about the same things each time. We really do not know who the other really is other than I am your son and you are my Dad. I want you to know I have always had great respect for you. I know that being away is not as easy as it looks when there are people you love and care for far away.

When I was young you were serving out country and missed a lot of my younger days. I missed you then too but I was not alone. Most of my friends were in the same situations. So I knew what they knew and it didn't seem different. I am proud you served in the Army and I am glad you did. I too would have served had it not been for the bad timing of my head injury. I wanted to be just like you when I grew up and in some ways I have and some not.

There are to many miles between us now and time moves by at what seems to be an increasing speed. Of course it hasn't changed a bit but we change a bit every day. I wish we could see each other more and I wish you knew my boys better. They are both good boys and I'm sure you can be proud of each of them as I am.

I would like you to know that I care for you and I love you.

Johnny

What I Saw In Those Eyes

It has been said the eyes are the windows to the soul. I saw into one of those windows and it was not good. The words were of love, tears and heartache. Words meant to mean something. But the eyes were only of hate. A dark pool of nothingness. Devoid of feeling anything close to love. I have seen these eyes before. Each time they are the same dark and menacing. Looking but not seeing. Eyes of hate, eyes showing the truth the words cannot.

An Old Goal Complete

Going back to 1999 I embarked on a path to become a Systems Administrator. I accomplished the study part of the goal and earned a Microsoft title of MCSE or Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer. This however did not do much to get me a job. I came close to a couple of jobs but was surely passed for the more experienced people.

Precisely one month prior to receiving my certification in the year 2000, Nasdaq crashed and the 'dot com boom' was destroyed. People like me who had been employed were now out of work and competing for the same jobs. And there were not many jobs for these skills. The jobs that survived required multiple skills and that was simply something I was not yet ready for.

I worked for the next year in tech support arenas for small wages. Never finding the satisfaction of having a real career in technology. Soon it was 2001 and we all know what happened on 9/11/01. I lost my job six days later. This would not be a good year for me with employment.

Living in Salt Lake City at the time did open a new door and I stepped right into a new career path, airport security. The Olympics were coming in 2002 and SLC International Airport was a ripe place to work. I eventually found my way into TSA and with TSA eventually to Arizona.

It is here in Arizona after having a goal more than a decade old and I admit long forgotten, I finally achieved this goal. I am now a Systems Administrator for Maricopa County Library District.

I now believe the saying I have read and heard many times before, if I may paraphrase, 'What the mind believes, the man can achieve'.

Milestones

Somethings in life are measured in time. I was thinking about a document I was searching for when one of those stones met me squarely between the eyes. I came across the program for  Dreamkeeper, a show my son John was in back in 1996. This memory turned into the memory of New Year's Eve 1997 which marked the last time an alcoholic beverage passed my lips. The year 2011 has marked the 14th year of sobriety for me. No regrets.

Half Way Past 50

I am now reaching a point of being half way past 50 years old. I didn't think it would come this quickly. My youngest son is about to graduate and enter college soon. I am very happy that this apple fell a bit further from the tree than my other fruit. My oldest is way too much like myself. He's smart, obstinate, opinionated, easily provoked, hot-headed, passionate and he worries too much. All qualities I share and more. I think that is what worries me so much. Children are a dream come true and I love them both equally. At 50 I think I project a better fatherly image than I did at 30, 35, 40 and so on. But I'm still far from perfect and my hope is that both of them can see my faults for what they are and improve themselves from them instead of imitating them.

Donna and I Meet

It was the beginning of summer and I was an eightteen year old out of work. I was willing to do almost anything for a paycheck. I answered an ad for a nurse's aid or orederly position in a nursing home. I had never done anything remotely like this before but that would be the time that changed my life forever.

I showed up on that afternoon in June as expected, reporting to the small nurse's station. I was nervous as I tried to take it all in. The sights and the smells in the building were not what I expected. The nurse called Donna to the station over the intercom. She would be training me on my job duties. I could hear her footsteps over the ambient noise of the long narrow hallways. There was a distinctive clack clack on the tiled floor. I was immediantly curious. What would she look like? My expectations were exceeded as Donna walked into the station. Black hair all in curls and a really big smile that showcased her braces. But it was the dark pools of those brown eyes that really grabbed my attention. I felt like I could fall for her at any moment. And I did just that in the minutes to follow. I followed her around that building like a puppy in love. Really I just needed to learn some tasks but I couldn't help but want to be trained a few more days.

It didn't take long until we started dating. I fell in love in short order and have never looked back. It will be thirty-one years this summer and I still love her.